"What's the bad news?" asks the accused. What's the best-smelling insect? But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. A trip without kids. We have more jokes for you, click on big red button below. What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyones hair. As you can see, there are plenty of comebacks for who asked, nobody cares, etc. Two peanuts were walking down the street. 38. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Fuck you said. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. Why did the chicken cross the road? You look drunk. Be sure to check back with us soon for more funny jokes. and our Kid: who asked? What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? A slipper. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Where do young trees go to learn? What do you call balls on your chin? Hey, havent we metaphor? Between you and me, something smells. She gave me an Australian kiss. 17. This response is funny because it allows you to really make the question asker seem stupid and you much smarter than them. Is everyone else here a jerk? Person 2: Who's there? Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. The best response to who asked is to stay calm and do your best not to overreact. How you respond when someone says something you dont like is entirely up to you. What washes up on very small beaches? A guy will search for a golf ball. If you see me smiling its because Im thinking of doing something bad. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. Why arent koalas actual bears? Oh never mind, Im still working on that one. Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. Waiter Who? Knock Knock! By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. "Dill me in!". The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. Because he had a great fall. When you die, what part of the body dies last? He wanted to get a long little doggie. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. 40. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. They've kept in touch after all these years. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? History is usually no laughing matter, but sometimes we can't help but LOL at modern interpretations of the past. Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? Why did the pony have to gargle? Since 2017, over 500 new Campers have joined us across our three groups - Customer, Org, and Product - and we thought we'd share the laughter with you. What do you get from a pampered cow? They lift them up and slam them on the ground. Whats warm, wet, and pink? I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." Dont forget to browse these biology jokes that really cell themselves. It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. A penguin in the washing machine. "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. My son asked me what its like to be married so I told him to leave me. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! READ THIS NEXT: 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. Dont assume thats not a major incentive. Dude, your dicks hanging out. Anticipation is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions place to ask and answer thought-provoking.. Me a joke if you simply ask it to -- just say `` alexa tell. A crane! The funny responses are more for getting a good laugh out of the group around you than trying to come out on top and seeming smart. Some are dead. 3. It was two tired. Why do cows have bells? This response is clever because it takes the same disrespectful energy that comes with did I ask you and hurls it back at the question asker. I decided to start smoking only after sex. Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. 9. When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this.". A slipper. A receding hare-line. Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? Whos there? There were two goldfish in a tank. I said you look fat in those pants. He ate the pizza before it was cool. In fact, it could make things worse by escalating the situation and giving the troll more attention. Beano Jokes Team. Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? Cookie Notice An impasta. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? They always take things literally. Dress her up as an altar boy. Whats another name for a vagina? They did unspeakable things to me. I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay; she said she didnt have time. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? Your wife will always blow your bonus! Confused by some of these clever jokes? Walking takes too long. He told me to stop going to those places. 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You're Feeling Snarky By Mlanie Berliet Updated February 10, 2022 1. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. Because every play has a cast. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. If this made you giggle, youll love these food jokes. Approximately one GB. Why do vegans give better head? What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? These are some responses you might want to keep ready in the back of your mind. Oh, I didnt tell you? xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. I can totally keep secrets. What did the leper say to the prostitute? This response is clever because it really shows how rude the other person was being because even if your statement was un-asked-for their response to you was too. Not all men are annoying. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. What Is My Angel Number? I was at the funeral of a friend of mine. These classic What did.? Whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Whats the best part about gardening? According to Mason, expose them to as much as possible and that includes jokes. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? What did one hat say to the other? Why was the nurse asking for a red pen? Read more about Martin here. Well it's your lucky day, because we've got . Close the door, I'm dressing. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your faceonce you shove them down the stairs, that is. Continue with Recommended Cookies, It has happened to all of us. I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Now the focus has shifted back to them, showing anyone in earshot how rude the first question was, making them embarrassed and making you laugh. Best trade I've ever done! This response is funny because it means nothing but will likely leave the question asker dumbfounded and therefore making them look dumb to everyone else. Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" Whos there? What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? 1. person two: where? When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. What does it take to make an octopus laugh? Is it in?. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. Whos there? Youre dead if the rubber breaks. Explanation: Youd have to be insane to jump off a bridge and into the Seine, the river that runs through Paris. Learn more about us here. Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. If you find yourself on the receiving end of a "your mom" joke, one option is to laugh it off. This was voted one of the best jokes of all time in a 2010 Reader's Digest jokes contest: A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. No, but I wanted to save you the trouble of thinking for yourself. Because they're very good at it. Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? 38 Likes, TikTok video from Grace (@baltes33): "same ppl who still making the who asked n when did i ask jokes#him #he #fyp". Do you love telling jokes? You know we always have the funniest jokes up our sleeve, whether youre searching for short jokes, corny jokes, or even bad jokes you cant help but chuckle at. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Because theyre used to eating nuts. Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do. He forgot to wrap his Whopper. Sorry, I'm still working on it. How do you get a nun pregnant? A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. Why is England the wettest country? Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? Why do we like volcanoes? A man goes to the doctor and says Ive got a problem, I have 5 penises.. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. I was kidnapped by mimes once. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. So read on for some of the funniest two-line jokes and quick quips around, and don't forget to pass them on to your equally immature friends. xhr.send(payload); What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Explore the latest videos from . If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. * No, but this is more stupid than anything I might have said. Knock-Knock Jokes. "Are you gay?". Because they're really good at it. 69 with three people watching. It can be used in a lot of contexts but usually, did I ask you? is more often than not a rhetorical question, with no answer being looked for.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_7',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0'); The short answer is, yes. Which will often come across very rudely. ? He kept leaving little messages around the house. Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. document.addEventListener( 'DOMContentLoaded', function() { A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?". Getting down and dirty with your hoes. Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. What do you call two witches who live together? 41. What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. What's black and white and goes round and round? You're not completely useless. I didnt ask you for a response and yet you gave one. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". Jokes for Kids 2022. One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" Oral sex makes your day. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? An impasta. Looking for some laughs today? Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. According to world population studies, approximately 108 billion people have lived on this planet. Pathetic, unoriginal kid just wanting attention. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. 2. The brunette smells it and says it smells like cum. Youd better be. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. (Think trolls) 6. 1. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Well. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." Ate something. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. Get ready to laugh, hard. I'll meet you at the corner. 3. The line gained popular recognition in mid-June 2011. Why couldn't the knife go back in the drawer? What did the rock drummer call his twin daughters? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At, 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up, 80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. A fun answer is to answer a completely different question to confuse the other person. While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. Tap To Copy. Why did the student eat his homework? In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. This one is both funny and clever because at first, it seems like a strange response but then it becomes clear that you are calling the question asker dumb. "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. Where do young trees go to learn? Even young children enjoy the structure of joke-telling; the setup, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud together! The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. It needed help figuring out its problems. Whether you want to receive further information on something or want to ask a question or maybe have a suggestion for us to improve content on this website, or probably you wish to report a . A deodor-ant. Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. All while making the question asker look dumb. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Your Mom. Would you like to dance? Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. And funny in a way that like, opens your mind up even," says comedian Sean Patton. 2. It all depends on you and the situation. Explanation: A hyperbole is an exaggerated claimkinda like this joke. 4. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? How did the hipster burn his mouth? Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. Her navel. King Henry the Second. What do you call a group of rabbits backing up? He just can't part with it. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" He gave her a diamond card. 9. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. How did you quit smoking? This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? So what's the best way to get your child to tap into their funny side? What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. 33. The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Last Updated: December 5th 2022. Think Im sarcastic? A chicken sees a salad. There was nothing left but de-Brie. "Make me one with everything." 2. 10 1 More answers below Mason Chen Just a random teenager 4 y Related I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. You put a little boogie in it. Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaners sole purpose. Why does bread take so long to digest? 1Forrest1. We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. Hey! What is the square root of 69? He was deadlifting. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. No? Must be none of your business then. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. You know there's no official training for trash collectors? I took a poop in the elevator. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? When I see ads on TV featuring smiley housewives using some new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds theyreclearlyon. Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. A little horse. This worked so well! This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Cause your face looks kind of funky. Cereal who? The actor is still close with some of her onscreen family. 7 Up in cider. There are few things more frustrating than feeling like youre being ignored. Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? Explanation: Photons are particles representing an amount of light. One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!. Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), Funnier Or More Funny Comparative & Superlative Forms, 25 Best Comebacks To Suck My D*ck (Witty & Clever), 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. What do you call a hippie's wife? Why are YOU shaking? A comeback said by mostly middle school boys when they know they have lost an argument but want the last laugh. Your mind might want to dance, but your body is a really awkward white guy. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. With more than 130 jokes to scroll through, the laughs are guaranteed! What does a pig put on dry skin? What is the opposite of a croissant? I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Wait, don't actually look if you want functioning eyes. Here are 45 of his best (and cringe-inducing) jokes from previous shows and appearances, and The Office: Warning: adult humour follows "Where there's a will - there's a relative!" When someone asks "did I ask you", you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. 3. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. Broomates. 7. Learn about the best baby names out of Japan. Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? Theyre used to eating nuts. well, almost never! Hot, because you can catch cold. Your job still sucks. This one is funny because it can be used to make the question asker seem like they are crazy or have a bad memory and already has forgotten that they did in fact ask you. Its a win-win! Because theyre really good at it. Waiter! Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Click here to learn more! A response that will make you feel like you won the confrontation. 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. How To Break Up With Someone Toxic/Narcissistic Safely And Never Look Back, The Best Outfits From Daisy Jones And The Six That Make Me Wish It Was 1975, Signs You Lack Self-Love (And How To Develop It), 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists, How To Channel Main Character Energy Like Daisy Jones & The Six. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you? By Sergios Rotar Ivana who? One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep sh*t. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. Because it was a little horse. These classic What did? Same middle name. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Example of When did I ask? They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already. Masturbation is like procrastinationits all good fun until you realize youre just fucking yourself. Beef strokin off. When do we want them? I wonder how many people are in that field. Well, I'm not going to spread it. Fuck you said who? Whos there? Anal makes your hole weak. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Aye matey. What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? What did the full glass say to the empty glass? Usually, when someone asks did I ask you? they are not being genuine. That was an insect. To which one of the boys replies, Im surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!. "Whaddya mean?" A deodor-ant. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". 25. short for? If youve ever been in situations where you say something, and someone says, did I ask and you dont know how to respond, these did i ask comebacks will serve you well. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. However, if you are sure about yourself and her reaction, try one of these: There are a lot of stupid jokes among good ones. Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. This one is funny because it implies that you werent paying attention to the question asker at all and didnt even realize they were talking to you when they asked did I ask you?. Because you should never drink and derive. Sharing is caring! If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. This often diffuses the situation and shows that you are not bothered by the insult. The sooner I shoot you, the sooner Ill get out of jail for it. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The Satisfactory. 8. Spoiled milk. Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in. How did the hipster burn his mouth? In his sleevies. I don't know how I feel about that. Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Neeeooooooow! Did you hear the one about the roof? Why don't math majors throw house parties? Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? See ya! Whats the difference between a girlfriend and wife? Totally shocked. I didnt ask for your opinion either, so why respond. Are you an adult? Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]s head full of nickels? var xhr = new XMLHttpRequest(); Why do people make end-of-the-world jokes like theres no tomorrow? Two guys walk into a bar. This response is very clever because it makes it very clear that you contributed helpful information. Why didn't the melons get married? } ); Her mom responded, Maria, they just wanted to see your panties! Maria replied, See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. But there are ways to counter it. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. 5. Here are some witty comebacks to Did I ask?: The best response to did I ask is to remain calm and try not to overreact. Let's begin. Three guys go on a ski trip together. Last updated: Feb 09, 2023 Jokes and Riddles For Kids and Adults to Solve. 3. Low flying airplane noises! if you were actually the one being rude and butted into a conversation you were not a part of, a clever or funny response is not appropriate and it would be best to say nothing and simply step away. We recommend our users to update the browser. Short Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny: 1. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Ouch! Fssh. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Then why are you still talking? Red paint. Whether youre looking to shut down someone in an argument or want some witty responses up your sleeve, these comebacks will do the trick. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! Read on for 39 riddle jokes that'll entertain the whole family. Or it is asked to someone who just said something that doesnt help whatever point the question asker was trying to make. Get ready to grab your sides because they are about to hurt from all the laughter!These jokes and riddles for kids are best enjoyed and shared with loved ones. A stick. Once. You boil the hell out of it. Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. If only theyd come around andtake him off my hands. How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? Whos there? Earbuds. She drops her pants and says, My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!, A boy says to a girl, So, sex at my place? Yeah! Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks were making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. 46. You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows. Did your parents ask for you? Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. "Between you and me, something smells.". By the bark. Article continues below advertisement. If you see me laughing, its because I already have. This joke makes light of changing churches. Sometimes did I ask you is said in a joking manner and a funny response would be appropriate after that. How did the pig get to the hogspital? Why did the cow jump over the moon? A Master Baiter. "You're looking sharp. On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Waiter if I get my hands on you! Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. About. xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); Do you love hearing jokes? 19. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? A little horse. What's E.T. Well, they're not laughing now! My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. They have many fans. This response shows that you really dont care that you werent asked. Some are dead. Alright, are you ready? Here are some of the best comebacks to shut them up: Who asked? is the age-old retort of the unhelpful and uninterested. 3 Easy Ways to Find it, How to Manifest Good Luck in 5 Simple Steps. dang i didnt know that ur so dumb u dont know the difference between answering and telling. If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love? A bear walks into a restaurant. Wheeeee! Then it hit me. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? 40. Pilgrims. You dont have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. Thats the church I used to go to.. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine.". Dont miss these hilarious egg puns that will absolutely crack you up. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. A limbo champ walks into a bar. 47. But hilarious jokes never go out of style. But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. For more information, please see our Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time.
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